youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
