Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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