If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I intend to get homeless drunk
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
