I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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