i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Randomize
