I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
