The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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