Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I intend to get homeless drunk
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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