"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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