I am in a vortex of obligation.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
FUCK WHALES
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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