So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
