K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
there was a trapeze. enough said
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
