Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
