The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
