just survived the first fart of the relationship.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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