3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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