yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
