Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
