We're facebook friends in real life
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Still dying that you shit outside
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
