don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize