Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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