I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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