bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sext me about skeletons
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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