just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He? As in you personified your dick?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
