if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he told me I talked like a deaf person
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
