based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize