just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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