from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
ttyl tear gas
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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