i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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