So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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