my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
