i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
