Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
