my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
