we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
dude. I can hear the air.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
