I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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