Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
