his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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