I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
