Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
