so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
