So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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