Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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