I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
smell my finger.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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