Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
