I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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