I want to stick my p in your. b.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
