I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize