my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Mom said you looked used
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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