remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
How naked do you want me to be?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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