I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Randomize
