he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
