His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
