i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
