...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Can I color on your dick again?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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