Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
