fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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