I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
