I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
His nipple licking is glorious
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