The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
