OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize