It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
