I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
