You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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