So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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