I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
