you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
