Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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